Apologies

Sorry that I haven't been posting lately. Been buried with work and just recently found the family cat kaput in my closet. I've got tasty reviews and homebrew projects I want to share, hopefully in the next week or so. Thanks for your patience!

Da Big Kahuna's Pizza -n- Stuffs

Some guy a long time ago once said that the more things change, the more they stay the same. I'm not entirely sure what the really means, or even if it applies to this situation... and he was probably some smart ass jerk that nobody liked... but it sounds literary and smart so I'm using it here.

Before relocating to its current location near the airport, Big Kahuna's was once a little green shack along Puuloa Road, nestled amongst industrial warehouses and repair shops. It was a charming wooden oasis surrounded by sheet metal and old rubber tires, yet the crowds would always be there, locals and tourists alike.

New bigger sign, same scrumptious goodies.

With any relocation, it is a reasonable concern that the place just won't be the same anymore, losing any appeal it once had. Fortunately, this isn't the case here. Although the new digs are more spacious and modern... and by modern I mean not in danger of falling apart if more than three people sneezed at once... Big Kahuna's has somehow managed to retain the same kitschiness and jolly attitude of its former self. Best of all, the food remains delicious.

On this occasion I ordered a trio of mini offerings: a 7" Portagee Pizza, a small Killer Kalua Pork Sandwich, and a small order of Garlic Cheese Balls. Mini portions were a must if I was going to sample a variety this day. Ordering the full portions of these guys would most likely result in death. Tasty tasty death. If you're on a diet or your cardiologist says you're one hot wing away from a coronary explosion, this place isn't for you.

Doesn't look like a lot of meat in proportion to the bread... but that's like saying an elephant is small compared to an aircraft carrier.

First up was the Kalua Pork sandwich. The meat, as expected was soft and moist. Just the right amount of saltiness, while being covered in a sweet & tangy BBQ sauce. The bread was fluffy and thick. It would seem that this sandwich is a little plain, but you can't do too much to kalua pork before you lose the essence of the... kalua... porkiness. If you were to order the regular sized portion, the sandwich would be as big as your face. That's a lot of sandwich, my friends.

This Portagee Pizza turned around and went home because the sign said Airport Left. THAT JOKE NEVER GETS OLD!!!

Next up was the Portagee Pizza. The crust was thick and spongy, allowing it to soak up a lot of the oil and sauce. Which, looking back doesn't really matter because you'll be eating it anyways. The humble Portuguese sausage proved quite capable of working without its usual cohorts rice and eggs, adding a touch of sweetness to this pie.

These are every bit as unhealthy and frigging delicious as they appear to be.

Finally, for the knockout blow, those Garlic Cheese Balls. Straight from the Kahuna's mouth: "Baked in butter & garlic, topped w/ our five cheeses. Gooey & delicious... have 'em once & you're hooked." I really can't add anything to this description that would make you want to stuff your face with these more than you already do. Admit it. After all this, forget about having a kanak attack. It was more like a kanak street mob beat down that left me in a coma. And I didn't even finish everything.

I'd say the relocation to the Airport Business Center had no ill effects on the allure of Big Kahuna's. In fact I'd say it's a welcome upgrade. Not having to worry about losing your tires while parking on a sharp as broken glass gravel parking lot is a good thing. Trust me. The Big Kahuna is definitely still king of the beach or some other lazy metaphor expressing my approval of this establishment. Whatever. Just go there and eat some good food.

Da Big Kahuna's Pizza -n- Stuffs

550 Paiea St.

Honolulu, HI 96819

833-5588

http://www.bigkahunaspizza.net

Steak Rave

Along with crack and Transformers, steak seems to have bucked the recession trend and thrived in this economy, as evidenced by the Galactic Empire-like expansion of places like Blazin' Steaks. They are the new Starbuck's, and with lunch plate offerings of about $6.00, similarly priced as well.

Enter Steak Rave on Alakea, taking over the spot long held by Alakea Delicatessen. The same owners are still there so it appears to be an individual franchise type of deal. With Blazin' Steaks just down the street, what does Steak Rave have to offer that will set them apart? The answer would be... noodles. That's right. You can get fried noodles with your steak. Woot! That was sarcasm.

To me, this idea seems rather forced and contrived. Kind of like when public service announcements try to throw in some rap and hip hop because, well it's rap and hip hop... so the kids MUST be listening, right? WRONG, jackwad. You just come across as pandering and out of touch.

Let's get down the the meat of the matter. PUN! At $6.00 you can't expect a steak that's going to blow you away. But I found my steak over salted and tough. The noodles were uneven. You'd have bland spots with heavily sauced portions. However, the biggest gripe I have was the speed of service. It's noodles and meat, people. There is no frigging way I should be waiting a half hour for my food. I could have walked down the street to Blazin' Steaks, ordered my food, walked back to Steak Rave, then back to Blazin' Steaks to order another plate in that time.

Verdict: meh.

The snail-like pace was infuriating, made even worse by the fact that you could see them moving in slo-mo in the kitchen through the open doorway. As the crowd built up you could sense the tension growing in the room. Starvation and irritation are a volatile mix. It had all the makings of a Bolivian prison riot. All that was missing was a flaming mattress. Aaaaaaaand... AND I missed out on the Shaolin Warriors doing some kind of free performance across the street at Tamarind Park. THANKS A LOT!

The B.S. to food quality scale is grossly unbalanced. With the proliferation of cheap steak plates being offered, Steak Rave had better get its act together soon.

Ahi & Vegetable

Sometimes keeping things simple really is the best way to go. Like when some hoity toity French chef on a certain cooking competition show tries to make a ceviche three ways for a bunch of ranch hands and of course, the roast pork loin wins. Take THAT, Mattin. Don't mess with Bryan. He is the Top Chef terminator. He cannot be stopped.

Ahi & Vegetable proves that simplicity can work when used with high quality ingredients. Basically you get some Ahi poke, salmon, spicy ahi, even natto, put it on a bed of fresh salad or rice and top it with a killer dressing. Badabing. Good food that's good for you. Unless you eat it every day. Then you can pull a Jeremy Piven and get out of work for being too tired from mercury poisoning.

This sign used to be in the shape of a door key... which confused the hell out of me. So... can I get an extra set of keys made while I wait in line or what? No? Gimme a spicy ahi then.

You can order a set that comes with a salad, rice and miso soup. I usually just get the salad with spicy dressing. I can detect a bit of wasabi in this red saucy bit of goodness. It's not overwhelmingly slap you in the face spicy. It's more like a ninja that sneaks around in your mouth and kicks you before you realize anything happened. They also have a good selection of donburi. I don't think you could go wrong either way here.

Salmon poke vegetable. Good stuff.

As you can imagine, this place gets pretty crowded but for the most part service is swift. Accommodations are cramped so again, as is with a lot of downtown eateries, you might as well take it to go. Unless you like it when someone's butt is on your shoulder while they're standing in line. Hey, if that's your thing, that's just great. Good for you. Just stay the hell away from me you freak.

Lack of seating forced me to retreat back to the office and eat my lunch at my desk like the nerdy kid in school nobody talked to in the cafeteria so he just brown bagged it and never left the classroom. WE HAVE FEELINGS TOO YOU KNOW.

I only know of two locations: Fort Street Mall and near the intersection of Queen and Alakea. Food quality is excellent at both locations and I never had a negative experience to date. If you're on a diet or just looking for some lighter fair after a weekend of pigging out on pizza, buffalo wings, malasadas, sausage and beer, this is a great place to go.

Aunty's Steak Truck Waimanalo

Cruising around Nalo town on what would have been a beautiful Saturday for a ride... if my motorcycle wasn't dead - donations or side job offers now being accepted, by the way... I happened to spot a new lunch wagon just as you enter Waimanalo from Sandy's. 

Dilemma: the UH vs. Wazzu game was on the radio and I could not bring myself to pull over because the Warriors were up big time but almost in the midst of an epic FAIL. Luckily they pulled it off, I didn't kill any pedestrians as I was screaming at my radio, and I vowed to come back and check it out.

Look at that. How could you not like that? Although I had to refrain from inhaling these buggahs because of the cute gal sitting across from me. Gotta have some semblance of manners for I am a true gentleman. Shut up.

Made the trek out there the next day, and my taste buds are glad that I did. BBQ Ribs were the choice this day. Oh. Em. Gee. These were fricking good. I got the small order but the meat was plentiful. Not too fatty and not a hint of the gristle and cartilage you would get with a lower quality cut. The pork itself was nice and soft and easily pulled off the bone with my fork.

Honestly, I don't think the name of this joint is really Aunty's Steak Truck. I'm just calling it that for lack of info and laziness preventing me from asking for a takeout menu.

Look, I know ribs should be eaten with my hands. But I'm a little gunshy about making a total glutton of myself in front of strangers, as the seating could be described as cozy. If it were up to me it wouldn't be considered wrong to slather your naked self in barbecue sauce, take a meat bath in a tub full of choice cuts, and eat it while sharing the nice soak with a women's roller derby/lingerie squad. But noooooooo. People gotta get all judgmental and stuff. So a fork it is.

The saltiness of the dry rub didn't disappear in the face of the tangy sauce, and they worked well together to make this a surprisingly good BBQ pork rib offering from a conspicuous yellow truck on the side of the road. The side of mac salad that accompanied the ribs had a hint of egginess to it. Not in a bad stale fart kind of way, mind you. It was a nice mellow counterbalance to the tart mayo concoction they whipped up.

So, if you're gonna surf Sandy's one day and you have the urge for some mean kine ono grinds, head about two miles up the road towards Nalo town and say hello to Aunty and her friendly staff in the yellow bus.