Steak Rave

Along with crack and Transformers, steak seems to have bucked the recession trend and thrived in this economy, as evidenced by the Galactic Empire-like expansion of places like Blazin' Steaks. They are the new Starbuck's, and with lunch plate offerings of about $6.00, similarly priced as well.

Enter Steak Rave on Alakea, taking over the spot long held by Alakea Delicatessen. The same owners are still there so it appears to be an individual franchise type of deal. With Blazin' Steaks just down the street, what does Steak Rave have to offer that will set them apart? The answer would be... noodles. That's right. You can get fried noodles with your steak. Woot! That was sarcasm.

To me, this idea seems rather forced and contrived. Kind of like when public service announcements try to throw in some rap and hip hop because, well it's rap and hip hop... so the kids MUST be listening, right? WRONG, jackwad. You just come across as pandering and out of touch.

Let's get down the the meat of the matter. PUN! At $6.00 you can't expect a steak that's going to blow you away. But I found my steak over salted and tough. The noodles were uneven. You'd have bland spots with heavily sauced portions. However, the biggest gripe I have was the speed of service. It's noodles and meat, people. There is no frigging way I should be waiting a half hour for my food. I could have walked down the street to Blazin' Steaks, ordered my food, walked back to Steak Rave, then back to Blazin' Steaks to order another plate in that time.

Verdict: meh.

The snail-like pace was infuriating, made even worse by the fact that you could see them moving in slo-mo in the kitchen through the open doorway. As the crowd built up you could sense the tension growing in the room. Starvation and irritation are a volatile mix. It had all the makings of a Bolivian prison riot. All that was missing was a flaming mattress. Aaaaaaaand... AND I missed out on the Shaolin Warriors doing some kind of free performance across the street at Tamarind Park. THANKS A LOT!

The B.S. to food quality scale is grossly unbalanced. With the proliferation of cheap steak plates being offered, Steak Rave had better get its act together soon.

Ahi & Vegetable

Sometimes keeping things simple really is the best way to go. Like when some hoity toity French chef on a certain cooking competition show tries to make a ceviche three ways for a bunch of ranch hands and of course, the roast pork loin wins. Take THAT, Mattin. Don't mess with Bryan. He is the Top Chef terminator. He cannot be stopped.

Ahi & Vegetable proves that simplicity can work when used with high quality ingredients. Basically you get some Ahi poke, salmon, spicy ahi, even natto, put it on a bed of fresh salad or rice and top it with a killer dressing. Badabing. Good food that's good for you. Unless you eat it every day. Then you can pull a Jeremy Piven and get out of work for being too tired from mercury poisoning.

This sign used to be in the shape of a door key... which confused the hell out of me. So... can I get an extra set of keys made while I wait in line or what? No? Gimme a spicy ahi then.

You can order a set that comes with a salad, rice and miso soup. I usually just get the salad with spicy dressing. I can detect a bit of wasabi in this red saucy bit of goodness. It's not overwhelmingly slap you in the face spicy. It's more like a ninja that sneaks around in your mouth and kicks you before you realize anything happened. They also have a good selection of donburi. I don't think you could go wrong either way here.

Salmon poke vegetable. Good stuff.

As you can imagine, this place gets pretty crowded but for the most part service is swift. Accommodations are cramped so again, as is with a lot of downtown eateries, you might as well take it to go. Unless you like it when someone's butt is on your shoulder while they're standing in line. Hey, if that's your thing, that's just great. Good for you. Just stay the hell away from me you freak.

Lack of seating forced me to retreat back to the office and eat my lunch at my desk like the nerdy kid in school nobody talked to in the cafeteria so he just brown bagged it and never left the classroom. WE HAVE FEELINGS TOO YOU KNOW.

I only know of two locations: Fort Street Mall and near the intersection of Queen and Alakea. Food quality is excellent at both locations and I never had a negative experience to date. If you're on a diet or just looking for some lighter fair after a weekend of pigging out on pizza, buffalo wings, malasadas, sausage and beer, this is a great place to go.

Aunty's Steak Truck Waimanalo

Cruising around Nalo town on what would have been a beautiful Saturday for a ride... if my motorcycle wasn't dead - donations or side job offers now being accepted, by the way... I happened to spot a new lunch wagon just as you enter Waimanalo from Sandy's. 

Dilemma: the UH vs. Wazzu game was on the radio and I could not bring myself to pull over because the Warriors were up big time but almost in the midst of an epic FAIL. Luckily they pulled it off, I didn't kill any pedestrians as I was screaming at my radio, and I vowed to come back and check it out.

Look at that. How could you not like that? Although I had to refrain from inhaling these buggahs because of the cute gal sitting across from me. Gotta have some semblance of manners for I am a true gentleman. Shut up.

Made the trek out there the next day, and my taste buds are glad that I did. BBQ Ribs were the choice this day. Oh. Em. Gee. These were fricking good. I got the small order but the meat was plentiful. Not too fatty and not a hint of the gristle and cartilage you would get with a lower quality cut. The pork itself was nice and soft and easily pulled off the bone with my fork.

Honestly, I don't think the name of this joint is really Aunty's Steak Truck. I'm just calling it that for lack of info and laziness preventing me from asking for a takeout menu.

Look, I know ribs should be eaten with my hands. But I'm a little gunshy about making a total glutton of myself in front of strangers, as the seating could be described as cozy. If it were up to me it wouldn't be considered wrong to slather your naked self in barbecue sauce, take a meat bath in a tub full of choice cuts, and eat it while sharing the nice soak with a women's roller derby/lingerie squad. But noooooooo. People gotta get all judgmental and stuff. So a fork it is.

The saltiness of the dry rub didn't disappear in the face of the tangy sauce, and they worked well together to make this a surprisingly good BBQ pork rib offering from a conspicuous yellow truck on the side of the road. The side of mac salad that accompanied the ribs had a hint of egginess to it. Not in a bad stale fart kind of way, mind you. It was a nice mellow counterbalance to the tart mayo concoction they whipped up.

So, if you're gonna surf Sandy's one day and you have the urge for some mean kine ono grinds, head about two miles up the road towards Nalo town and say hello to Aunty and her friendly staff in the yellow bus.

J.J. Dolan's

Let's face it - Honolulu is not a pizza town. Long have residents had to suffer the lack of a quality pie, instead having to put up with sloppy oil bombs mass produced by minimum wage fast food drones. Well, that used to be the case. No longer, my friends.

Enter JJ Dolan's. A welcomed and much needed addition to the Honolulu food scene. The atmosphere is cozy: basically an authentic Irish pub without the soccer hooligans, instead being replaced by hipsters and young business professionals. Of course, what else would you expect from impresarios whose lineage include Murphy's, O'Toole's and Anna Bananna's (rest in peace). The space is intimate, though if it weren't for the large windows letting in sunlight from the outside world, JJ Dolan's could easily have crossed the line into a dark uninspiring pit.

Hee hee hee. Snarky coasters. A good way to win me over.

The bar seemed to be decently equipped, with the requisite flatscreen TVs for sports aficionados to settle in and have a pint. I didn't notice if there were other TVs around the room, so if you're thinking this might be your next spot to settle in for beer, pizza and football, unless you find a spot at the bar and bribe the bartender into tuning into the game you want to watch, you probably would be better served going elsewhere. This isn't the niche that JJ Dolan's is trying to fill.

What they do here and do damned well is serve up a good pizza. I suppose you could classify this as a thin crust pizza. Unlike some other places whose thin crust has a cracker-like consistency and is a constant threat to cut the roof of your mouth Cap'n Crunch style, JJ's achieves a nice medium of pleasant crunchiness with a bit of soft give to it.

Downtown Design Buddy and I opted for the Giacomo on this day, topped with sausage, pepperoni, salami & olives. A great choice. The saltiness of the slices of pepperoni and salami worked great with the slight sweetness of the ground sausage and olives. I almost want to say that the pizza was light, but it being pizza, that would defy the laws of physics. However, I can say that I was able to manage three slices without the invariable stomach anarchy that would happen with a lesser pie.

Hello Giacomo. Now get in my belly!

Expect to pay just under 20 dollars for a 17 inch pie. Well worth the price. Especially when you consider that Pizza Hut's "large" pizza is about the same size and they'll charge you more for an inferior product.

There are specials listed on a sidewalk chalkboard stand, and on a woefully small board on a pillar inside... or follow them on twitter. With combinations like Buffalo Chicken and Blue Cheese or a Salmon pie, my curiosity is piqued. They also serve other offerings like wings and sandwiches. I understand if you want to vary the menu a bit to keep things interesting, but I hope it doesn't get to the point where JJ's forgets who they are and what they do. (Update: Tried their wings and garlic edamame recently. Wings were nice, crispy on the outside, juicy on the inside, spicy and hot. Edamame was garlicky without being overwhelming. Awesome job all around.)

Whatever they're selling in these cans, give me a gallon.

Good pizza, friendly service and a cold beer. What more could you want? JJ Dolan's is an irrefutable winner.

JJ Dolan's
1147 Bethel Street
Honolulu, HI 96813
537-4992
jjdolans.com

L&L's

Backstory time! Ventured to Nuuanu Street today to mail a parcel to a friend in New York. Next to that post office lies a space that is empty of everything save fond memories of the best garlic chicken I have ever eaten.

Sigh. Zaney's... you are missed dearly. A tragic victim of the Health Department's gestapo-like demands to upgrade their grease traps. The combination of nostalgia and hunger forced me to find something garlicky to satiate this craving of mine.

It was only by chance as I was standing in line at the ATM... and by the way, it should be a law that if you take more than two minutes at the bank machine the next person in line has the right to punch you in the back of the head... I noticed that L&L had "healthy" plate lunches for sale. One of the options was Garlic Mahi.

Close enough, so in I went.

Let me tell you something... they weren't fooling around with the garlic. Very glad I didn't have to meet any clients today. Although I wish that establishments would find a way to integrate garlic into their dishes more deftly rather than add a bunch of chunks as an afterthought.

On the bright side I now know it's possible to stop off at L&L more often without turning into a fat tub of goo. The Healthy Garlic Ahi (can't find Mahi info but shouldn't be too far off) is a meager 313 calories. I opted for all tossed salad instead of brown rice to further reduce the caloric intake of this particular lunch.

What is this??? A plate lunch from L&L that doesn't require a standby defibrillator?

They have a Salmon Patty with 363 calories and a Healthy BBQ Chicken option for the same amount.

It's L&L, so don't go in expecting anything out of this world. On the other hand, it IS L&L so you can expect something reasonably tasty and quick. For me, this was quite a welcomed revelation as my non-rice lunch options have expanded by one.

Yogen Früz

Have you got a hankering for a cheap, fattening & poor excuse for Mexican cuisine in the Fort Street Mall area? Well too bad. Taco Bell is gone. In its place is a Froyo joint called Yogen Früz - another entry in the rapidly crowding frozen yogurt landscape of Honolulu.

Poor poor Bubble Tea. Kicked to the curb for this frozen confection.

Yogen Früz does have the tart soft serve yogurt that is reminiscent of Yami Yogurt of days gone by. However, what sets them apart is their mixed yogurt. Basically you have your choice of ingredients to be thrown into a mixer with a brick of yogurt, and out comes a creamy soft treat. Or at least I think it sets them apart. Truth be told I'm just guessing on that one. Not a frequent Froyo consumer. The only reason I opted to stop off this day was because it was hot as balls and I needed an excuse to get away from the work desk.

Strawberry banana frozen yogurt. Meh. I guess I'm not just a Froyo kind of guy...

I was told that banana strawberry was a popular mix. Fair enough. Not going to be too adventurous on my first outing. Upon further review, however, I should have just got the tart soft serve vanilla.

The mixed yogurt was ok. That's about it. Nothing that's going to blow you away. Honestly the only thing that stands out to me is the pink ümlaut "u" in the logo that they turned into a smiley face. Cute.

Pink ümlaut u logo... sneaky bastard had me fooled. I was not nearly as smug and satisfied as you had me believe I would be.

But hey, the counter dude gave me a free sample, so I'm willing to give them another try. Lychee sounds pretty good the next time around.

Butter Yaki

Another Facebook buddy contribution. If this is how they do it in Hilo, I'm moving to Hilo. Not really. But I will drop in and mooch free food.

You had me at butter... you had me at butter.

Tailgating tales: UH vs. Central Arkansas - 9.5.09

Ahh, football season is here again! Wives and girlfriends around the nation mourn, but it is a time for men to gather and cheer on their favorite team, reminisce about the glory days, look forward with optimism about the fortunes of the season, and most of all, cook food in a crammed parking lot. Yes folks, tailgating is in full swing.

After toiling with a cheapie charcoal grill last season, I decided to toil with a cheapie gas grill this season.

I will have to admit that I was nervous - not for the quality of cooking, mind you. Rather, it was the fact that I had to trust a $20 propane grill made in China to not explode in my face that had me uneasy.

Starting off with the basics. Hot dogs, toasty buns and steak. Steak rub was Hawaiian salt and... um... other stuff.

Gotta be patient with the steaks. Don't constantly open the lid and poke and flip. You'll lose valuable heat and extend cooking time which might lead to dry steaks.

Steak done right. Nice color. Moist. Ono.

What do you do when SOMEBODY forgets to bring the rice? ... Steak dog! Ok ok to be fair everybody forgot about the rice.

Mmmmmmm Kalbi. Sizzle sizzle baby. You can practically smell it.

IHOP

Submission from one of our Facebook buddies:

"Stuffed french toast... sooooooo yummy.... comes with an extra point, field goal, or touchdown. This is the extra point (eggs, hashbrowns, and some kinda meat). Basically, the more points you get = more meat!!!"

Otto Cake... F*ck Yeah!

Probably the last thing you would expect in Chinatown is a cheesecake shop run by a member of a punk rock band that occasionally dons a giant wig to play a frustrated transvestite lead singer of a rock band. That's why I love this place because that's exactly what you get with Otto Cake.

I love this charming sign. For some reason it makes me think that the official name of this place should be Otto Cake - F*ck Yeah.

The interior is clean and airy. But with just a single bench for seating, Otto's cheesecakes are more suited for takeout fare. All the boxes are hand painted and stamped, a nice touch in a commercially driven world. It's just so... indie. As evidenced by the Free Mumia sticker plastered on the napkin dispenser.

(Friendly tip: if you plan on venturing there I suggest approaching from the mauka side as there is a spot along Smith St. that reeks of urine and poo. Seriously. Same spot. Every day.)

So cuuuuuuuuuuute! Insider's tip: Otto is planning on making something chocolate dipped with these for Halloween.

But the cheesecake is the real star of this ensemble. Otto does not have a heavy hand with these cakes. Not too rich, but with enough body to make you feel as if you're getting your money's worth at $5.00 a slice. Smooth and satisfying. The crust was the perfect consistency. Just mushy enough for my taste but not soggy. A great pick me up for those 3:00 work doldrums. Flavors vary, depending on what's sold out. I'm stalking him for this alleged chocolate peanut butter cheesecake I've heard about but as of yet to no avail.

See what I mean? Otto Cake - F*ck Yeah.

Don't let the size fool you. Dowtown Design Buddy and I split a slice. This is the Lemon Cheesecake.

All in all it's a good cheesecake that's a little on the pricey side. But where else are you going to get cheesecake in Chinatown? Exactly. Now, I need to pop in there and ask Otto when's the next time The 86 List is putting on another Hedwig and the Angry Inch show. Now THAT is a treat no one should miss out on.

Otto Cake
1160 Smith Street
Honolulu, HI 96817

Yusura Japanese Restaurant

If you're a regular diner in the Chinatown area you have a great variety of ethnic cuisines to choose from. Of course there's Chinese food, some good Filipino places and literally thousands and thousands and thousands of Vietnamese Pho houses. But for some odd reason there seems to be a small number of Japanese restaurants (not counting quickie take out bento shops).

Enter Yusura, a lonely Japanese representative in the international hodgepodge that is Chinatown. Located on the corner of Smith and Beretania Streets, it's actually a nice quiet spot away from the madness. If you manage to not trip over the random passed out chronic on the sidewalk, that is.

I've been here a number of times as it's just a few blocks away from my office. And I'm glad to report that on this particular day, it did not smell like fresh Clorox. I appreciate cleanliness, but not at the cost of burning my nostrils and tear ducts.

If you're looking for exceptional Japanese food, this... isn't the place. What it is, however, is decent and a good value. My Unagi Don mini set came with ramen and 4 pieces of gyoza. The dashi has a little to be desired. Not bland, but certainly unremarkable. The noodles had a good texture and the slice of char siu was soft. It's no Sonoya's, but then again, what is?

Unagi Don. As opposed to Don Unagi, Japanese leader of the Tokyo Italy Town mafia and that was a lame attempt at a joke get off my case it's late.

Downtown design buddy's Chicken Katsu Curry Don. As opposed to Don Chicken Katsu... ok ok no I won't go through with it. You're welcome.

I've never come across a gyoza that I didn't like. And this was no exception. What can I say? I'm a sucker for dumplings. Probably not the best you're going to eat, but like a true blue collar worker, it gets the job done without much fanfare.

I was sorely disappointed to find out that they no longer served the Cold Tofu topped with bonito flakes in a bed of sweet shoyu. It would have gone great with my Unagi, which was a little on the soft side but otherwise cooked rather well and seasoned with a good mix of sweet and salty which I appreciate.

Unagi Don Mini Set with Ramen and Gyoza. Quite satisfying and reasonably priced.

All in all, if you're in Chinatown and you've got a hankering for Japanese food, you could do worse than Yasura. Or you could do worse if you could actually find another Japanese restaurant in Chinatown, that is.

Yusura Japanese Restaurant
57 Beretania St
Honolulu, HI 96813
(808) 599-8838

Art's Hideaway

Nestled on Bishop Street in bustling Downtown Honolulu is quite literally a hole in the wall called Art's Hideaway.

Going downstairs I felt as if I was entering an underground fight club (the first rule of Fight Club is yadda yadda yadda... that joke was old five minutes after the movie came out... and I'm talking about it... wanna fight?) rather than a quick lunchtime grab-n-go.

The interior was what you would expect from a basement establishment: dark. Simple chairs and tables filled the tiny space. But I wasn't here for the view. The proprietor (Art himself perhaps?) seemed rather frantic which was off-putting since the joint was half empty - oddly enough during the lunch rush. Not 30 seconds in the door he asked me what I wanted to order. Well let me see a menu and I will let you know, kind yet pushy sir.

After being given the luxury of 60 seconds to peruse the selections he asked me again what my order was. Feeling pressured at this point I opted for the New York steak, wagering it was a safe option for a place I was unfamiliar with. Besides, you can tell a lot about a bar/grill by their steak. A side of garlic mash & tossed salad and I was good to go.

Let me tell you this was more than a safe option. Walking back to the office the aroma of the butter and garlic from the mash potatoes teased me the entire way. They turned out to be fluffy, rich and smooth. Almost too rich and buttery, but that might have something to do with me eating healthier for the past few months.

The tossed salad was served with a tangy red vinaigrette and the greens were crisp and fresh.

The steak was nicely done. Tender and moist. And topped with sauteed onions and mushrooms. You had me at sauteed mushrooms... you had me at sauteed mushrooms. I'm told that the Chicken Picatta is excellent, and I will gladly take one for the team during my next foray there.

All in all a very decent meal for $10.00. It's the kind of place that I would enjoy having some beer and pupu downtown while avoiding the yuppie scum that seem to have overtaken Bar 35. Unless you work downtown however, forget about lunch. Street parking might be easier to find as the sun goes down and the Hotel Street crackheads wake up for the night shift.

Art's Hideaway.
1110 Bishop St
Honolulu, HI 96813
(808) 531-1775